So, Who Are You, Really?
An Exercise in Self Reflection That Completely Blew My Mind
Getting to know and accept ourselves is a non-negotiable when it comes to living a fulfilling life. As most people work on themselves though, they focus exclusively on themselves.
What if there’s another way to tap into our truest essence? What if the best way to know ourselves is through other people?
When I first did this exercise it blew my mind. Here we go.
STEP 1
If you could have anyone’s life who would it be? There are no limits here. Mix and match!
What about a combination of Michelle Obama, Natalie Portman and Wonder Woman? You don’t need to know them, nor do they need to be alive. They don’t even have to be real!
Take a minute to create a list of people whose qualities you admire. This list can include people you know, people you’ve experienced through film, people who have impacted your life, inspired you in any way or just people you just think seem interesting.
Here’s what mine looks like:
1) Oprah Winfrey
2) Lady Gaga
3) Ray Dalio
4) Amal Clooney
5) Jamie Kern Lima
6) Annie Leibovitz
7) Misty Copeland
8) My friend Jenni
9) Will Ferrell
STEP 2
Write down as many reasons you can think of as to why these people made your list. Do they have qualities you admire? Have they done something you wish you could do? Is it the way they carry themselves? The way they speak? What they stand for?
Let’s do some free writing! Below is my list, to help you along.
I don’t know these people, obviously, and I don’t really know what they’re like outside of the media, but that’s not the point. The point of this exercise is to triangulate WHY and WHAT about them speaks to you.
1) Oprah Winfrey — elegant, brilliant, altruistic, grace, kind, present, see’s beauty in others, believes in the divine, real, imperfect, overcame, encourages others to shine, against all odds, the best, connects, dog mom, wisdom, humility, communicator, changes lives of those she touches.
2) Lady Gaga — rebel, talented, unconventional beauty, raw, musical, creative, pushed for what she believes, champions the underdog, inclusive, powerful, unique, absolutely fearless, unafraid to be who she is, embraces all of who she is, dreams BIG, determined, performer, high energy, colourful, creative, doesn’t care what others think of her, constantly evolving.
3) Ray Dalio — investment genius, teacher, successful, believes in having people in your life who challenge you, visionary leader, impacts the world, obsessive learner, embraces radical truth, designs plans, open minded, beyond financial freedom.
STEP 3
Realize that we look at ourselves THROUGH ourselves.
Read your list out loud. You aren’t reading a list of other people’s qualities; you’re reading your own. It’s all you! This is your true essence.
PSYCHOLOGICAL PROJECTION
But what about the negative traits we see in others? Carl Jung called this “the shadow”. You may have heard of the term “psychological projection”.
Your brain is always trying to help you by offloading the difficult stuff onto someone or something else. It’s a way we try to reduce the intensity of difficult emotions, but doing so ultimately costs us dearly. Projection obscures reality and prevents us from actually dealing with our emotions.
Think about what really bothers you.
What really gets on your nerves? Is it that person who is always late? Rather than focusing on that person being late, you might want to turn inward and ask yourself where in life are you not showing up? Do you feel like everyone is trying to screw you over all the time? Perhaps ask where you aren’t being honest with yourself or with others.
A REFLECTION OF YOUR REALITY
Life can seem life absolute chaos. We can live in reaction to everyone and everything that happens; dealing with people and circumstances as they randomly show up for us. Or we can start to notice how our lives and the people we meet, the people we admire and the people we wish we knew are just reflections of our innermost beliefs and values.
The world we experience is just an outward expression of our inner landscape. We don’t see the world as it is, we see it as we are.
What you see in other people is a reflection of yourself. A person of goodness sees goodness in others and a person of evil sees evil in others.
-Omar Suleiman
